Wow 2010.. what a year so far.... Astrologically it is the year for virgo's and probably the rest of the Zodiac too... Saturn has left and I can definitely tell...
They say Saturn is a time for learning lessons.. I have learnt so much at the age of 24... But unfortunately have not had the ample time to put those lessons into practie.
2010 has had me pushing myself in certain areas especially my sexual identity.. although there is a long road ahead.. i have had encounters with so many like-minded and inspirational people... More than any other year of my life I'm sad to say. I am not sure if it is me putting myself out there or the universe.. I like to think it's been a team effort.
It seems the more I speak my truth whether it be 'I am attracted to girls' or talking new age spiritual stuff, the more I attrack those I resonate with.
For a long time I have been attracted to women but growing up i lived a very striaght life surrounded by all those mainstream ideas which I did not relate to... It has and remians a struggle to be completely open with my sexuality. I am really anxious to tell some people for fear of their response. I am not totally accepted by those I used to call best friends and family. In fact I still haven't come out to my whole family... I can't imagine coming out to a lot them, EVER!... they just wouldn't understand.
I also don't fit into the 'lesbian' world well not the fashionable one. I just don't like the idea of labeling myself. There is always a possibility that i will fall in love with a man. In fact when i was younger I thought I had.
I have not had that experience with a women yet. I would put that down to the stage of life I am in however, rather then an inability ot fall inlove with a person who happens to be female.
Why do people need to fit in? Why do ppl seek acceptance despite what it might take to do so?
Of course I want to be accepted a lot of the time. And joining my AFL team this year has really felt great. I am around a lot of other chicks who are into chicks and I fell I can express myself without those uncomfortable moments of straight women thinking 'Has she ever liked me?' or post-traumatic stress-like flashes of lesbian sex.lol
the beauty of your heart....
ReplyDeleteYou ever heard of the word anomie- its a sociological term which i translate to the reason society is so fucked up. I call it, people without commmunity.
Humanity seeks comfort from each other. When there is a risk that we could lose that comfort, we have to go in to fight or fright mode. Do we hide who we are, for fear of rejection, or do we stand up for our truth. Either response is okay, not wrong, but the "fight" response is freeing. Sometimes the "fright" response is the only response- I wouldn't go to Ghana on a holiday and announce to each person I meet that I am a bisexual transgender man, just so I can be free, because that is a very costly risk.
I think rejection is possibly the single greatest fear, reality, trauma that a human can experience.
Fear can be crippling. What I did as I learnt come out- is I planned in my head possible reactions people will have and how I will respond. It helped me be brave!
You are a beautiful soul.