When I think of security I think of driving through a thick forest just as Sunset begins. The windows are slightly down so the fresh air crisps my hands. But I do not notice as I'm warmed by the familiar presense of the man driving beside me.


When I think of seduction I think of sitting in a Bar in Montreal as a local Band is playing and the lady sharing my table has her knee pointing to mine. As the music plays the rest of her body follows and soon we are sharing a moment.


When I think of the one I think of the tall gentle giant. He has dark curly hair and a seductive intellect. His face shows me his soul and stride shows me his intentions. He has comedic timing and he is a creative genius. He likes the simple things like, red wine, bush walks, and staring at each other's face on a Sunday afternoon.

When I think of what I want, I think of her. She is tall and plain but she has so much soul. She holds me and i feel vulnerable. I feel so much more vulnerable around her than around a man. It's as if she knows me better than I know myself as our body entangles one another's.

The difference for me between being inlove with a woman and being with a man is that She sees me, and I see Him. What is that saying? I am not sure. And whether that will change I do not know either.

Self-doubt... Gosh that is so debilitating...

I have been feeling like I need change.. like my soul needs to be nutured and the only way for me to do that is to move to Montreal and study Creative Writing and/or Film....

Well that's what was going on in my head. And last night I started thinking maybe this won't happen. Maybe I am just daydreaming this in order to escape my current reality and to be honest that is what I do often.

But the truth is I do need change and may be it won't happen exactly as I am picturing it... but I need to - not rediscover myself - but actually for the first time DISCOVER myself... I am craving a creative enviorment.

I thought the picture above was fitting :)

Wow 2010.. what a year so far.... Astrologically it is the year for virgo's and probably the rest of the Zodiac too... Saturn has left and I can definitely tell...

They say Saturn is a time for learning lessons.. I have learnt so much at the age of 24... But unfortunately have not had the ample time to put those lessons into practie.

2010 has had me pushing myself in certain areas especially my sexual identity.. although there is a long road ahead.. i have had encounters with so many like-minded and inspirational people... More than any other year of my life I'm sad to say. I am not sure if it is me putting myself out there or the universe.. I like to think it's been a team effort.

It seems the more I speak my truth whether it be 'I am attracted to girls' or talking new age spiritual stuff, the more I attrack those I resonate with.

For a long time I have been attracted to women but growing up i lived a very striaght life surrounded by all those mainstream ideas which I did not relate to... It has and remians a struggle to be completely open with my sexuality. I am really anxious to tell some people for fear of their response. I am not totally accepted by those I used to call best friends and family. In fact I still haven't come out to my whole family... I can't imagine coming out to a lot them, EVER!... they just wouldn't understand.

I also don't fit into the 'lesbian' world well not the fashionable one. I just don't like the idea of labeling myself. There is always a possibility that i will fall in love with a man. In fact when i was younger I thought I had.

I have not had that experience with a women yet. I would put that down to the stage of life I am in however, rather then an inability ot fall inlove with a person who happens to be female.

Why do people need to fit in? Why do ppl seek acceptance despite what it might take to do so?
Of course I want to be accepted a lot of the time. And joining my AFL team this year has really felt great. I am around a lot of other chicks who are into chicks and I fell I can express myself without those uncomfortable moments of straight women thinking 'Has she ever liked me?' or post-traumatic stress-like flashes of lesbian sex.lol